It took me over many years of my working career to conclude that my listening abilities are not as good as I thought they were. A while back, during a meeting, I realized that I had lost my colleague in the middle of a passionate argument over a proposed way forward on a proposal. After the meeting, aghast, I sat down to try and address what had happened. Shaking my head I assumed the worst, imagining that age had caught up and my cognitive abilities had declined significantly! Fortunately, instead of agreeing to the easiest excuse available, I took a conscious decision to reflect on it a little deeper. I begrudgingly realized that I needed to take a sincere look at my listening abilities. Though a bit disturbed, I decided to read up a little. So, some of what you will read on this post has been gratefully lifted from literature and edited, and some from experiences that come from genuinely challenged listeners like me. So here goes.
Firstly, why is listening important?
Listening is often seen as a passive action, just hearing what others are saying. But genuine listening is an active, complex skill that requires conscious effort, patience, and practice. It goes beyond just hearing words—it involves understanding the message, interpreting the emotions behind it, and responding thoughtfully. It’s not just about hearing what others say; it’s about understanding their perspective and responding thoughtfully. Listening to diverse viewpoints broadens your knowledge and horizons.
Good listening skills are like the secret sauce for clear and meaningful communication. In a team meeting at work, an employee actively listens to a project briefing. They get the big picture, ask the right questions, and contribute effectively. This way, there are fewer misunderstandings, and everyone’s on the same page. Active listening is the key to building trust and respect in both personal and professional relationships.
So, if we know that active listening is good then what are the blockers…….
• Selective attention: We tend to listen more attentively to topics that interest us. For example, you might zone out during a history lecture but stay fully engaged during a sports discussion. In my case it was often math where i happily went into lala land 🙂
• Emotional barriers: Strong emotions like frustration can cloud our judgment. Imagine receiving constructive criticism; if you’re upset, you might miss the valuable advice hidden within the feedback. Hmmm, that sounds familiar.
• Assumptions and prejudices: Preconceived notions about a speaker’s background can bias our listening. For instance, dismissing a junior colleague’s ideas based on their inexperience can cause you to overlook innovative suggestions.
• Cluttered environments: In noisy settings, like a bustling café, maintaining focus during a conversation becomes challenging.
All is not lost and there are ways to improve your listening skills (albeit this is stuff that I am still struggling with)
• Active engagement: Make an intentional effort to concentrate on the speaker. For example, during a phone call, eliminate distractions to focus solely on the conversation.
• Empathetic listening: Try to understand the speaker’s emotions. When a friend talks about a stressful day, respond with understanding rather than jumping straight to solutions.
• Asking clarifying questions: This shows genuine interest. For instance, in class, asking the teacher to elaborate on a confusing topic ensures you grasp the concept correctly.
• Practising patience: Allow speakers to express their thoughts fully. In meetings, wait for colleagues to finish speaking before sharing your views, fostering respectful dialogue.
While my quest is ongoing, recognizing that I have a problem and then trying to work on it has been a very interesting journey. It has exposed another pitfall of mine – “impatience”. That’s a subject for another post! Sigh, this self-discovery journey sucks! one more of my many “in” abilities.
